How To Get Stood Up Like a Pro

This is a subject I am unfortunate enough to write about. I, as someone who has been sufficiently stood up tonight, will take you through the motions to recover from this ego blow. Shall we?

Step 1: DO NOT CRY. This guy/gal (for confusion's sake, we will consider him a dude) is obvi a total doucher. So to cry might make it feel like, in the end game, he wins by making you feel something without ever actually meeting him. 

Step 2: DO NOT MAKE A SCENE. I hope to the son of Zuez, you don't have to even consider this step because you  were ditched prior to arriving at your meeting place. Nothing is worse than punching your Mocha Caramel Frap across the Starbucks lobby and then having to explain yourself in gross sob-y tears whilst cleaning it up. 

Step 3: GO TO YOUR HOME-Y PLACE. Okay, you don't neccesarily need to go home but somewhere where you feel 'at home'. So a friend's house, your mom's place or your local Bath and Body Works, wherever. This will not only make you feel better but also strengthen your connection to that place or person (or store employee). 

Step 4: TAKE SOME SESSUAL PICTURES OF YA BAD SELF. You may roll your eyes but take some cell phone pictures of yourself. Go all out, get your best angles. Who cares if you look like one of those spikey-haired tools on POF? Remind yourself of how smokin' you are and what a loss it is for that loser. Also, you may or may not get an excellent FB profile picture out of it. Two birds?

Step 5: CRANK UP DA JAMS, MAN. There are few times where you are allowed to publicly display your terrible taste in music. Every other day of they year, you must bite your lip when they play Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy. Not today, my friend. Let your deaf flag fly as you blare Buckcherry, Hinder, Glee or whatever else the hipsters have deemed uncool. 

Step 6: BE WITH YOUR PEOPLE. If you're not already, surround yourself with the people that make you feel like your at your best. These, are your people. Don't let 'em go. Either chill and talk about it over some Broccoli Cheese Breadbowls from the best place on Earth. Or venture into the night, find a new fellow or at least use up your allotted terrible song choices on the snobby DJ. He would just love to play Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson...again. 

Step 7: GET OVER IT. Whoa, that looks rather forceful in all caps. Here: get over it. See, that looks less threatening. But seriously, don't take it personally. It's not because he could tell that one boob was bigger than the other or knows you snore quite forcefully at night. He never got a chance to learn about these weird, beautiful quirks you posses, so fuck that guy...or girl.

(OH and if you want, you may take the high road and never speak to him again. OR you can mess with him via text. But be sure not to cross the line into detrimental, he didn't hit you with his car or anything.)